You get out of your A.’.A.’. work what you put in. Yes, put in the work, but take your time! This slow-but-steady approach should begin with writing your initial magickal biography, and it should continue until your dying day. The greater the depth with which you engage whatever practices you are doing, the greater your eventual reward.
Many a time, when someone joins us, they feel greatly excited. They feel as though they could run up the Mountain, hardly able to wait for the thrilling results they feel are sure to follow. Of course, this is wonderful inspiration to work with. And, sometimes, the exciting results do come right away.
But other stretches of the Work seem dry, boring, devoid of promise, and nearly impossible to accomplish given everything else one has to do. One plods along, dissatisfied. One does the meditation, the journal-keeping, the Liber Resh, etc. as well as possible and–for the moment–on the faith that it’s all leading somewhere. After more than 25 years on this path, I can assure you–it is!
One more related comment. Many times, people join the A.’.A.’. hoping to gain a positive sense of identity. This hope will not sustain someone here. Here, your ego will take a beating until it achieves a harmonious balance between confidence and humility. Self-knowledge is a destructive process.
While you do not have to agree with your mentor about their observations of you, you do have to respect their superior experience (and genuine concern!) by weighing their requests and criticisms seriously before drawing your conclusions. I’ll leave you with a relevant quote. (A “Chela” is a student, or disciple.)
[H]ow are we to tell whether a Holy Illuminated Man of
God is really so, since we can see nothing of him but
his imperfections. “It may be yonder beggar is a King.”
But these considerations are not to trouble such mind
as the Chela may possess; let him occupy himself,
rather, with the task of getting rid of his personality;
this, and not criticism of his holy Guru, should be the
occupation of his days and nights.–Aleister Crowley, Commentary to Chapter 40, “The HIMOG,” The Book of Lies